Thursday, March 17, 2011

Will The Real Mr Lovely Goodness Please Stand UP


"Calling Mr Lovely Goodness, 'Mr Lovely Goodness' was a premature ejaculation," ejaculated Mary. She and Julian were sitting overlooking a large, wide and peaceful river and sipping their morning coffees. A crowd had gathered, and a woman with a check board.
"I'm going to case the joint," Julian muttered, and slipped into the open door, and perched uncomfortably on what appeared to be church pews. Her right buttock overhung the wooden shelf like structure, and she wasn't comfortable, but decided to grit her teeth and grin and bear it. The slim, pinkly adorned woman next to her smelt strongly of BO, so she tried not to breathe too deeply. She was pleased to see that it was her favourite magistrate sitting at the bench, the man with a thousand faces. 'Mr Potato Head', Mary called him later, but Julian didn't agree. "Mr Potato Head has bits that you add to the face, this man is elastic," and she demonstrated a couple of his elastic faces. She pushed out her lips and screwed her eyebrows together. Mary had to agree.
He couldn't find her paperwork, of which Mary had objected. She also objected to the fact that the police report had not told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The police man was still angry at her belligerance, and her superiority of mind. He found her totally objectionable. He had got her age wrong by one year, and Mary had sniffingly told him that every year mattered. He had muttered under his breath. Her solicitor had mentioned that the truth hadn't been told in the report. That she had been pulled over and then let go. That hadn't been mentioned. He mentioned that when they were asking her the questions on the form, as in 'what is your name', 'do you have any scars', she simply removed her blouse, in order to display the scars under her recently surgically reset breasts. "Do you want me to put that in the report?" "No." the solicitor didn't think so.
Meanwhile, the real, genuine Mr Lovely Goodness had lived a selfless life in the Balkans. He had married and spoken to whoever would listen about the kingdom of God. That was how he had spent his life. He had recently 'passed on', and was guaranteed a place in the biblical description of the 'new system'.
The case had been moved forward to April.