Wednesday, May 30, 2007

History In The Making

Mr Lovely Goodness hadn't always been a war profiteer and a censor. He had once grown marijhuana in the New South Wales mountains, and could find his way unerringly through the undergrowth and scrub to exactly the spot where the sweet little plants were pushing their sweet, little heads through the well tilled soil. He would ride his motor bike up the mountain with his back pack stuffed to the brim with water filled milk bottles. He loved his babies. He was a modest grower, and not a greedy man. Just a few thousand dollars would see him through for the next few months, and a little jewelery making in the meantime would also tide him over. He would make handsome gifts of the best heads to his ex in lieu of alimony. She was happy with that, being a marijuana grower herself with a thriving little business in Sydney town amongst the young boys of Glebe.

Mr Lovely Goodness had found himself a nice little waitress and bought her home with him. The previous girl, who had been absolutely gorgeous and had a great nose for smells, like himself, had turned out to not be a goer. He had some great pics, and had had a lovely time. She had rather liked his good socks and had been a good giver of gifts. She had been told by a close friend that Lovely would be tenacious and persevere with her, which she was waiting for. She was taken by surprise when, after her letter advising him of only friendship, after intimacy, he pulled back and looked for someone else. She went on to become very successful in her field, and to have babies. Something Lovely would have dearly loved.

This relationship never got off the ground, and went much further than was healthy for both of them. Lovely's next girlfriend kept the best pics which only served to stab her in her own heart periodically.

People were made like swans. One on one. One intimate relationship, and children. Then death. Others were painful. These were critical times hard to deal with. There were others upon others upon others. Children were born. They had to deal with 'contact'. One parent who couldn't deal with the other parent.

Mr Lovely Goodness no longer grew marijuana. He had studied the bible and changed his ways. He was a nicer and less sneakier person now. He made jewelery and adored his son and cat.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Lowest Bid Wins?

Want your web site blogged about? I can do this for you for only US$7.00. Just make the payment to Paypal id articles {at} opals4sale.com and email your web site details to denenewilliam {at} hotmail.com. Don't forget to include your preferred keywords to link back to your web site!

Now this was a website that didn't seem to make a lot of sense. Perhaps the prizes had fallen off the back of the proverbial lorry and so they could afford to virtually give them away, and there had to be some sort of catch. How could thelowest bid win? In this materialistic, selfish, greedy world there were people who wanted you to have the biggest, flattest and best TV for next to nothing! Julian didn't particularly want a very big, flat screen TV. & she was doing very nicely without an i pod. A trip to Thailand wouldn't go astray. She & her dear, closest friend would stay long enough to get to know the local people, enjoy the food and share knowledge of good things to come. Yes. Travel. That's the lowest bid wins for Julian! Is this a Paid Post Opportunity? I leave that up to the discerning reader to decide.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

The Gambling Drug.

Magdalena was incensed. She had known for over two years now, but it still hurt. She had discovered that her husband loved gambling and had been secretly going to aCasinofor years. He had gambled and lost their superannuation. Magdalena was 68 years old, and this blow had come at entirely the wrong time in their lives. They were set up for retirement, and, now, this would all have to change. That wasn't all. Not only had he secretly been dipping into the super, he had run up a $40,000 debt. They had friends that came to the party and helped them out. Now they would have to put the house up for sale to repay them.

They had been married for 47 years, but one day she woke up and just didn't love him any more. "Don't tell dad", said her grown up son. She never did.

She kept her focus on what was important in life and had a very happy outlook. Magdalena had stories. "Did you know that kangaroos cry?" she asked Julian, who had been to awith her mother on the Gold Coast just once. Her mum had been given a $5 voucher by her favourite girl's fiance, and she wanted to spend it. They caught the monorail after a lovely dinner and made their way to the poker machines.
"Excuse me," said Julian to a staff member who was wandering the floor, "my mum has $5 to spend and we would like the machine that you put the least money in and get to pull the arm the most." The woman pointed to the left. After $2, mum had had enough and decided to hang on to the remaining $3 to buy Julian a cup of coffee. "Thanks, mum, that's very nice, but I don't drink it these days." she said.

"No." said Julian, in reply to Magdalena's question about crying kangaroos.
"I went kangaroo shooting in my younger years and they thrust a gun in my hands. They were culling. I just closed my eyes and fired. The kangaroo went down, I went down and my shoulder hurt like you wouldn't believe. I went over to the kangaroo and she had tears running down her cheeks. It was the last time for me. It was awful."

Darek had a shooting animal story too. He had wanted a trophy. Antlers of some kind. He was in the rear and chasing the deer up the mountain to his friends when he saw a Caribou nibbling on the sweet shoots of the Saskatchewan bush. He aimed and fired and the Caribou went down. Darek couldn't bear to see the animal's agony in it's death throes and so shot again. He shot away the very antler that was going to be his trophy. He couldn't even get a photograph. "I shouldn't tell these stories to you," he said, "the poor animals."

They moved onto more upbuilding naked people stories after that.

Dick And Jane Go Camping

The family was going camping. They had left mother behind in Perth, and they were packing up with their dad’s new wife and going camping. Thefamily were tossing up between going to the mountain or the beach. The kids didn’t mind, as long as they were going to sleep in a tent and cook over an open fire, they’d go anywhere. Dad didn’t actually have a tent so he shopped for one on the internet and came across this great little company that rented them at very reasonable rates. He was impressed. He could even rent the gear. There were big tents for families, and he thought that sleeping together would bond them. He was going to take a recommended look at the 4 – 7 free standing tents from Kelty and Alps Mountaineering to see which one best suited their needs.

He noticed that Camping and GPS Rentals offered a wide range of rentals. It looked like a group arrangement got an even better deal. Those that had a faith got an even better deal again. He was well aware of the dangers of interfaith, however, and decided to be careful.

Jane hummed as she packed the food. Good bread, avocado, sprouts, and meat for the obsequious Aussie bbq. She popped in the ear plugs in case any of the kids snored, and they were ready. Upper Buccrabendinni, here we come! This, we are delighted to announce, is a paid blog.




Friday, May 18, 2007

The Star Wars Great Hidden Aussie BBQ.

A long time ago in a place far away, Mary Hitler was hosting a star wars costume party.

“Come as your favourite Star Wars character. Ok?” she said in the embossed invitations. “It’s going to be an Aussie BBQ because I don’t know what they all eat. You’re getting sausages.”

Ulrich was fighting with his brother over who would get to wear the adult sized, $89.99 Chewbacca costume. It looked eerily real, so much so that his mate, Cronin, was going to think that he had landed straight from the sets of the Star Wars shoot! He had tried it on and knew that it was extremely comfortable. It came with the furry body suit and an overhead latex mask, sash and pouch. He was going to look like a perfect Wookie and he couldn’t wait.

“I’ll give you five bucks if you let me wear it,” he said to Brad.

“Ok,” said Brad, "It's a deal."

Larry was over the moon. He had just splashed out $629.99 for the Darth Vader Supreme Edition costume and didn’t know where to wear it. Mary Hitler’s do had come just in the nick of time. He had saved $270 and was just tickled pink! The jumpsuit had quilted ‘Faux Leather’ pants and sleeves. The ominous and flaring cape came from Lucas Studios original patterns and everything! Heavy duty injection molded armor pieces were cast from the original Lucas Studios molds. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

The evening went off without a hitch. Ulrich boiled to bits in his Chewbacca suit in the Australian summer evening, but didn’t give off so much as a moan, he was enjoying being a Wookie so much. Larry stole the show with his breathing. He came down with a mild case of pneumonia which lasted quite some weeks afterwards, but it had all been worth it. Mary Hitler, you’ve done it again!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Julian Fairfax Mayhem: "If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too". & Can I Bring My Dream Pillow?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

It Was A Helen Of A Problem.

Kansas was in the market for a girl. He had a few on the go, but this one looked the most promising. She had a fabulous nose, for a start. She could smell things from miles away, and that suited Kansas just fine, because his nose was also one of his best features. He took her to his charming, hand built cottage in the heart of the Australian bush. He had horses and interest. She was understandably flattered, and they had themselves a good time. They went motor bike riding up the mountain, and took photos of incredible valley views. He took pictures of her urinating on the side of the dirt tracks for posterity, never dreaming that his future wife would not be keen. She had a close friend who told her that she'd never get rid of him. That he stick closer than a stamp. The friend hadn't taken into account that he'd keep his options open, and would inquire of other girl's.

He met Dorothy in a Chinese restuarant. She was the waitress, and soon got to know of his tastes. The Chinese kitchen crew knew him as Barbecue Pork, because that was invariably his order. That, and a glass of the house red. He sold her small amounts of marijuana, and that was their beginnings. Their first conversation consisted of odd socks and earrings, and in their future married life, she actually only ever knew him to wear odd socks once. It was at least 15 years later.

He was tall and skinny and bony, with a sharp nose for details.

There was a time when his young boy had come to visit for the weekend. As they left on Monday morning to take him back to school, he became frantic because he had left a teaspoonful of suntan cream back at the house. His mother would kill him, he said over and over. Kansas, who had lived with the boy's mother, knew and understood that no matter what, they had to go back and get the cream. Dorothy was bemused, and in typical Spanish fashion, shouted and screamed, all to no avail.

They went back. The lotion was retrieved. The Mother From Hell was unappeased and continued to make life miserable for all and sundry.

http://www.opals4sale.com

Payperpost Pays!

Angelo had been with payperpost now for years. He had earnt enormous sums of money, and wanted to tell the world. He was richer than his wildest dreams! He built houses, and had farms and beach front properties. He had made squillions of dollars and had made squillions of friends. It had all started by word of mouth, what's more. He sat back and rested on his laurels. He wanted to spread the love, but wasn't sure how. He decided to follow the example of Jehovah's Witnesses and started to knock on proverbial world wide web doors. He became a payperpost star! & another ten dollars went into the $62.37 cent account. He was on an italian roll, and wasn't about to stop now. He pushed Titania out of bed,and asked politely for a coffee. Titania was star struck and had no problem going up the stairs into the lounge and down the stairs into the kitchen. Most people had a sunken lounge. She had decided to go the other way. It was inconvenient, but there it was. If she knew that Moops had been there with George, she would have gone spare. The question has to asked, however, that if someone goes bananas, would it have any effect if no one was there to cop it? Kansas? Whaddya think?

Friday, May 11, 2007

"If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too". & Can I Bring My Dream Pillow?

A popular song of the day was, "If you leave me, can I come to", and Titania sang it often too her lover. Ian was a trusting lad and not only believed her, but loved her for it all the more. Titania was a strong and dominating personality and his first sighting of her had been on a beach. She had been buck naked and had been looking threateningly at the car that had been heading for her and Jimbo. Ian was stricken. "Who is that amazingly, wonderful strong woman", he thought, and the die was cast.

He had lent his amazingly, wonderful duck feather doona to a dear friend, who was off to Buccrabendinni for a short stint. Morton Morehouse had managed to get it wet, and in his accidental thinking of the time, managed to roll it up and the doona was almost ruined. Ian, however, was a man with friends everywhere with the ability to help him get out of a tight spot. His Auntie Edie had once said in a warning tone to Julian that 'Ian liked people'. This particular friend lived in the Kalang Valley and was good with feathers. He sent her the almost ruined doona, and the 'Dream Pillow' was born.

Ian had an amazingly, wonderful green quilted armless shirt made from the dry, feather remnants, and Titania had a dream pillow created. She slept on it from that day to this, and never forgave Julian for taking her place. At least she had the creation of their Son.

The Creation Of Kansas and the Signing Of The Will.

Episode 43....

Thursday, May 10, 2007

"Don't Write About Me", demands Titania. "Don't Talk About Me".

Oscar Wilde once said, many moons ago, that not being talked about was worse than being talked about. Titania Bottomley knew this in her heart. This girl was intrinsic, if nothing else.

Kansas was in the state penitentiary. He had been appealing his sentence for 14 years, and had been on death row for 12 of those years. He lived in a small space with one wall of bars, so that the prison officers could check that he hadn't taken his own life. His food was below par and his life had little movement. He was allowed to read and watch tv. His toilet was public, as was his life. He had learnt to deal with it.

He was there because of his love of money. He was going to be the richest, have the most property, drink the finest wines, eat the finest foods and be the best. His mother had helped him to have those values. He had kept his head in and worked liked you wouldn't believe. One of the hardest workers that ever existed in the city of Sydney. In the restaurant trade.

He had been out with a mother's friend's daughter one particular evening and, after taking her to one of the most expensive, amazing restaurant's in the city centre, had taken her to one of the most expensive, amazing nightclubs. They had had an interesting and wonderful evening. It was on the way to the bar that he had met a woman, who, on seeing him had said, "What are you doing here, you're a baby!"
He had taken her phone number and rang her. She was happy to go out with him, and the story was set.

His grandmother had has a couple of strokes and had been moved to the central coast where her only surviving son lived, so that he could be there for her. A routine was established, wherein she came to the meeting on Sundays, the book study on Thursday evenings, and home on Fridays. There were visits at the nursing home, lunches and dinners. Life was not exactly rosy, but everyone coped the best that they could. Kansas came to visit, and brought his girl. He didn't introduce her straight away, but talked about how she had driven up with him, and was staying at the resort because she had to work. He would like to bring her to dinner, but she was older than him. Was that alright? He was 22 and she had said, at the time, that she was 30. Kansas' father was relieved. "Of course she can join us for dinner. Lovely. I'll book."

The matriarch of the family cried because she hadn't been invited, and was feeling the distresses of her infirmities. She felt that she was being left out. Kansas never knew about that, as he was concerned with his own problems.

Dinner went well. Kansas had specifically asked that Julian and his dad please not pray before the meal to Jehovah, as he was embarrassed that they believed in God and that God had a specific name, and they respected his request. However, during the evening, his girl asked what is was that Julian did. At the time, Julian was pioneering, which meant that she witnessed about Jehovah for up to 70 hours a month. She knocked on doors and met people and asked them about their spiritual interest. The bible, of course, had the answers to the spiritual questions. Krista leant forwards and showed her hand. "I'm also a bride of Christ", she was over the moon to share. It went down like a lead balloon, of course. The truth from the bible was not for everyone. Kansas had said, as a small boy, that he had been a goat but had now recognised the difference and was now going to be a sheep. He had also pointed out to Julian that 'how would she like it if her life was posted on the internet for everyone to see'. Julian had replied that she would love it. Show up the bossiness, domineering qualities, strong personality and the rest of the yucky stuff that made up personalities. She had pointed out that the bible said, in James, that it was like looking into a mirror, and some stuff was ugly, and that she knew that and was working on the ugliness, and not doing a particularly good job, but that wouldn't stop her working on it. Kansas didn't comment.

He was sour. He rang his dad and his dad spoke briefly to him about the day to day stuff in life. His dad was trying to be normal and talk about what was going down. Kansas wasn't particularly interested, but listened, and then got down to brass tacks. "Is Julian there?", he asked, "Yes", said his dad. "Can I talk to her". This was the first time in 14 years that Kansas had ever asked to speak to Julian. He had never shown any interest in her life or who she was before, and so, Julian was, understandably, suspicious. "Don't write about me, Julian", he said. "Pardon?", said Julian. "It isn't polite", he said. "You should have asked me first. And if you're serious about reconciliation with Titania, this isn't going to help. She'll go off if she sees it". "Pardon?", said Julian, politely. "So, ok, can I write about this phone call, please?" Kansas didn't reply. Julian took that as a no. Julian politely pointed out that Titania had been speaking untruth to him for years and Julian had never asked that Kansas not listen to it. It seemed that there was a huge difference in the written word and the spoken word.

Who was it that said the pen is mightier than the sword?

Titania, meanwhile, had never wanted to know Julian. Julian had met the father of Titania's son and had begun to live with him within a two year period. Titania didn't like that, but Titania had been living with the father of Kansas when a cousin had come to stay. This particular cousin was handsome and charismatic and Titania fell into his lap reasonably quickly. She was devious and sly, and had managed to hide the affair from Kansas' dad for quite some time. Ian had even driven them to a change over car park in Woolgoolga, and had helped them to put bags and luggage from one car into another car, and watched them drive away to Queensland together.

"What amazing and wonderful trust and love", he thought. How many people could send their girlfriends away with their cousin's and know that everything was hunky dory? Not many.

He was in for a Shock.

& it was Kansas who felt that he had to tell his dad that everything was Not Alright.

"They sleep together, dad", he said.

"I know, son, it's ok", said his dad, wanting to put him out of his misery, but not really able to do it.

The plot thickens, and Titania throws the blame. Kansas doesn't cope and wants it all to stop, but it's all Too Late Now.

Lady Grace passes away, Cuz falls off the railway line drunk and disorderly and breaks a leg, Titania Turns Nasty and A Star Is Born.

watch this space ***

Jeremiah 32:16 - 21

And I began to pray to Jehovah after my having given the deed of purchase to Baruch the son of Neriah, saying: "Alas, O Sovereign Lord Jehovah! Here you yourself have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm. The whole matter is not too wonderful for you yourself, the One exercising loving-kindness toward thousands, and repaying the error of the fathers into the bosom of their sons after them, the (true) God, the great One, the mighty One, Jehovah of armies being his name, great in counsel and abundant in acts, you whose eyes are opened upon all the ways of the sons of men, in order to give to each one according to his ways and according to the fruitage of his dealings, you who set signs and miracles in the land of Egypt down to this day and in Israel and among men, that you might make a name for your own self, just as at this day. And you proceeded to bring forth your people Israel out of the land of Egypt, with signs and with miracles and with a strong hand and with a stretched-out arm and with great fearsomeness.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

A Great Bookkeeping System In Place With Inexpensive Prices.


Pyrrian Marsh was the cook and the bookkeeper in the family. She was insistent on a decent bookkeeping system, and had found a website that used the word 'paradise', which appealed to her. The family books needed an update, and an accounting system would help. Her husband and her had started their own business and, so far, it had been a total nightmare finding a good bookkeeper. They had been charged thousands of dollars for very little return, and the books had been completely messed up. Pyrrian trusted in her instincts and decided to contact accountingparadise.com.

Years later, her business was booming, her family was growing up and the money was rolling in. She had houses, cars and more husbands than she could poke a stick at.
Ulrich wanted to know what on earth she was talking about, but that was sometimes the way with bung advertising.

Accounting. Paradise.
An anomaly? Is it true that we can live forever in paradise on earth? Will we need accounting when we get there? Will the lion lie down with the bull?

Truth.

One More Shot At The Five Dollar Hotel Reservations Post

Julian Fairfax Mayhem was not one to give up easily. She was having a spot of bother with the copy, cut and pasting of the links, and MrLovelyGoodness knows why! She persevered. She certainly didn't have the time to penelopize the posts, but that's how it felt. She was quite happy to review the website about hotel reservations, and talk about how 'compitiative' the prices and rates were. This place offered great discounts, and she would keep her eye open. What with kids in London, Paris, Barcelona, Palma de Mallorca and Dublin, one had to watch for the best deals. Next time she travelled, she wouldn't forget to book with www.hotelreservations.com

Meanwhile, Mudbilly had landed in Paris for the change over flight to Dublin, and managed to miss it. She wandered the Paris streets and finally settled on a tiny wall which circled a fountain. She sat and hummed 'Jehovah is my Shepherd', in the hope that someone would hear and recognise it, and embrace her. She was disturbed by the birds that were attacking live cows and pigs because the carrion places no longer existed because of mad cows disease. Her mum was concerned that she was sad and lonely, but Mudbilly was enjoying the change of scenery and diet. She flew to Dublin and moved into a small, intimate, warm and freindly hostel.

Hotel Reservations had come to the party, and everyone had saved money. Mudbilly was becoming more proficient with the computer and was able to surf and send emails willy nilly. The incredible deals on hotel reservations were without precedent. What a website! What a deal!

Julian punched in Bangkok, and found hotel that were less than 2 kms from the city centre. The rooms were comfortable and spacious. The shops, bars and restaurants were within easy walking distance. The hotel had a well tended garden, a terrace and a bar. The restaurant offered international and typically Thai cuisine. There were meeting and banqueting facilities.

That's all that was needed.