A Life Of Barney & A Terrible Riley.

The Darlings had driven up from Canberra for a roast lamb and mildly curry flavoured gravy. This was the Darling who had tried to get out of the last dinner party by having a mild heart attack and being flown down to Sydney in a Helicopter, but some dinners just cannot be gotten out of. So, here he was, he had been sat in a reasonable comfy chair with a sasparillia, which needed ice, and he mentioned that quietly, but thought no-one had heard, although Julian had had an ear to the ground, whilst Lazzadak practiced his appeal to the judge about drink driving on them all. The Darlings took it all in their stride, although the Detective Inpectory Wendy Inspectory, known forthwith as DIWI, had a lot to say.
"No clapping," she insisted, "no clapping." She had a lot more to say, and went on the say it. Everyone listened and in due course applied the counsel.
This was followed by Julian's rendition of 'The Man From Snowy River', which was well and truly, not only unfinished, but also outdone by Mary Hitler, who could pop it off like rice bubbles, without so much as a by your leave, without even thought. She threw in another few renditions of Mulga Bike and other well known Banjo stuff. By this time, the party had removed itself to the pub for a bit of free jazz and dance, and no-one was really able to hear her, so it was all hot air really, or Hiltler air, as the case may be. Julian attempted a showing of Basil Fawlty and the Germans, but Mary Hitler wasn't having any.
"Show it from beginning, or I'm leaving," she kept saying.
"No, no," said Julian, "everyone is tired. Just watch this very funny bit."
"I'm going to leave NOW," said Mary, at the same time as Basil, who had misinterpreted the German request for an automobile, and thought they were going out to get some meat, told them, in no uncertain terms, that there was no need, they had MEAT IN THE BUILDING, and there was no problem. He mimed horns and pointed to the kitchen, which had the old German couple worried no end. They stepped back, whilst Polly came in to save the day.
Basil was now taking orders for meals in the restaurant, and cleverly mixing it all up with the war. Prawn cocktail became Goering cocktail, and he was taking their orders, 'which must be obeyed', and so on and so forth, and very clever it all was. Mary Hitler was asleep with a glass of red wine in one hand and a glass of Julian given water in the other.
"I'm watching, I'm watching," she insisted, when everyone told her to go to bed.

"You'll get yours," Mary said to Julian. "Just you wait."
"Weak hearts, nothing. The Darlings are the Darlings, and the Hitlers are the Hitlers and the Woes. Mayhem be damned, and Lovely Goodness be a Crabbe-Boggart in the making. Where would we all be without the manners that come with the new personality."
"I'd like a beef curry," Hermione said. She was down with a third rendition of the flu and had nowhere else to go.
Julian had just created an italian curry that worked very well. She insisted that Hermione must taste it, and it would be a pleasure to whip one up, and the left-overs went into the gravy for the roast lamb and the Hitler, Darling dinner. They were warned, and the piano wire was not needed.

The moral of the story is that if a name doesn't come, it doesn't come. The life of Barney and a terrible Riley was there for all.